snow and heartbreak

So let me tell you a little story...

I have always been okay with snow. Actually, it's more of a tolerance. However, this white sparkly wet stuff has caused me some heartache as of late.

I was destined to go to the blessed state of New Hampshire today. Yes, I should have been on a place right now. There is an incredible woman in my ward and her husband flies for Southwest. She was kind enough to offer a buddy pass to help me get there and back. Flying stand-by would be risky but oh what a risk I was willing to take. Tanner and I repeatedly referred to her as the "angel lady". Seriously, what a selfless, compassionate thing to do. She had the true spirit of Christmas and I will forever remember her kindness. So we looked at flights, things were looking great a week before and I was looking forward to my trip more than Christmas itself. (but really).

Then we saw the storm in the east. Nasty, nasty, ugly, snow closing down airports and making it virtually impossible to get out there. We thought the snow would be fine by Monday but in my heart I knew that all those unfortunate travelers from Sunday would be spilling over to hop onto the next flight, which would be Monday.

After hanging up the phone with Tanner Sunday night, assuring me that everything was going to work out, I got a dreadful text. The words were as crushing as I've ever heard. All the flights were booked, all the way out until Thursday. I laughed as I remembered Tanner's and my last words, "See you tomorrow!" So hopeful and full of joy. Then my laughter turned to tears as it hit me that I wasn't going out there to see him, to see his wonderful, beautiful family.

I wanted to throw up I felt so sick to my stomach. And yet, I know that I need to be here with my family. I need to make cinnamon rolls with my sisters, and sew aprons while watching Anne of Green Gables, read wonderful books and stay up late on New Years Eve greeted with a kiss from Cambria.

As silly as it sounds, I haven't cried this much over a boy...ever. And we'll see each other on Saturday, spend the rest of the weekend together and the next semester! Ha, love is weird.