Stream of Consciousness

I'm sitting here, at the library, at 10:30 on a Wednesday night.
You're probably thinking, good for you! You're studying-well I'm obviously not right?

I looked down at my hand where a stamp lies. BYU it says. In red. (ironic?) I just pounded my head on my desk thinking:
I WILL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE.
I have been at this glorious University for four years. FOUR. I'm ten days away from what should be a graduation because, well, I've been here for four years. But I'm not graduating.
True to senior form however, I have a nasty case of senioritis. Spell check says that's not a word, doctors would probably agree as well. In my expertise, however, I can tell you that it does exist.

Today my dance trainer asked if I had been tested to see if I was crazy. This was after I told him about my dream that while on stage, my floor opened up into a dark abyss with lava spouting and my fellow dancers were being sucked under one by one. I was the only one left standing and the audience LOVED the dance.
That makes me think.
One. I probably really am crazy and should go get checked.
Two. Why did the audience love this show I was involved in? PEOPLE WERE DYING.
And then I remembered that human beings for some silly reason love to watch people die. They even call it entertainment.
This made me think back on one Saturday during my freshman year, when I was sick, I sat and watched a whole season of 24. I watched people get murdered time after time and I was entertained.
Why is violence tolerated? Why do we watch this and call it "fun"? Where is the humor in watching a man slip on a banana peel and get hurt? I realize this is extreme...but still.

I was reading on wikipedia tonight about these authors and artists that I have to write a paper on. I'm trying to look at these paintings and decipher their hidden meanings. AND I AM SO BORED. Then I got worried that I didn't like studying and that made me a bad student and why wasn't I interested in learning all of the sudden? ahem...senioritis. Then I turned to Tanner (who was reading boring stuff for Biology) and I said, "I am so glad I'm not majoring in Humanities". Because let me tell you something. I love learning about things I'm interested in. But then is that stretching me and causing me to grow? I could easily sit down and read a 25 page research article about parenting and food and families. So I'm obviously in the right major. Even if I won't get out of here for two more years. Dance is another factor in the graduation delay and apparently all my friends are going to die anyway during the show tomorrow so is it even worth it?

So here's some advice-do things you love to do and major in something you're passionate in. You were given different talents and abilities and I think, even interests so that you could bless the world and those you meet.

And yes, I'm crazy.