snow and heartbreak

So let me tell you a little story...

I have always been okay with snow. Actually, it's more of a tolerance. However, this white sparkly wet stuff has caused me some heartache as of late.

I was destined to go to the blessed state of New Hampshire today. Yes, I should have been on a place right now. There is an incredible woman in my ward and her husband flies for Southwest. She was kind enough to offer a buddy pass to help me get there and back. Flying stand-by would be risky but oh what a risk I was willing to take. Tanner and I repeatedly referred to her as the "angel lady". Seriously, what a selfless, compassionate thing to do. She had the true spirit of Christmas and I will forever remember her kindness. So we looked at flights, things were looking great a week before and I was looking forward to my trip more than Christmas itself. (but really).

Then we saw the storm in the east. Nasty, nasty, ugly, snow closing down airports and making it virtually impossible to get out there. We thought the snow would be fine by Monday but in my heart I knew that all those unfortunate travelers from Sunday would be spilling over to hop onto the next flight, which would be Monday.

After hanging up the phone with Tanner Sunday night, assuring me that everything was going to work out, I got a dreadful text. The words were as crushing as I've ever heard. All the flights were booked, all the way out until Thursday. I laughed as I remembered Tanner's and my last words, "See you tomorrow!" So hopeful and full of joy. Then my laughter turned to tears as it hit me that I wasn't going out there to see him, to see his wonderful, beautiful family.

I wanted to throw up I felt so sick to my stomach. And yet, I know that I need to be here with my family. I need to make cinnamon rolls with my sisters, and sew aprons while watching Anne of Green Gables, read wonderful books and stay up late on New Years Eve greeted with a kiss from Cambria.

As silly as it sounds, I haven't cried this much over a boy...ever. And we'll see each other on Saturday, spend the rest of the weekend together and the next semester! Ha, love is weird.

Merry

Today as I was hustling and bustling along with everyone else to get last minute things (which proved perfectly successful), I re-realized what a happy thing it is to say, "Merry Christmas"! Such a wonderful expression can brighten anyone's day and when you hear it coming out of someone's mouth, it transforms your day into instant merriment. I was surprised to hear "Happy Holidays" come out of a seemingly grouchy woman and loved what a happy mood I transitioned into afterwords.

And what a funny word: Merry.
mer·ry
–adjective, mer·ri·er, mer·ri·est.
1.full of cheerfulness or gaiety; joyous in disposition or spirit: a merry little man.
2.laughingly happy; mirthful; festively joyous; hilarious: a merry time at the party.
3.Archaic . causing happiness; pleasant; delightful.

Laughingly happy. Hello! This is amazing! Or how about..."a merry little man"
Why can't we use this word every day? "How are you today?" "Oh, very merry thank you!"

So today I say, I hope you are very merry. I hope this season brings you an abundance of merriment, peace, and joy. And I hope you are finding out what joy truly is. Love is in the air as we celebrate family, friends and our Savior. You will find joy when you serve, for that is true love: sacrifice, selflessness and compassion.

Dentist

I went to the dentist today, got a free shirt (I chose pink) and am cavity free.
Let me tell you something. I was cavity free for 21 years. TWENTY-ONE years. Suddenly, six months ago I heard the words that forever changed my mouth's perfection. "You have a cavity". Oh wait, it actually went like this: "You have TWO cavities".
I teared up. Truly, I did.
But as I got those cavities filled I watch food network and enjoyed the laughing gas I was smothered with. I was okay.
I thought to myself that day, it's okay Katrina, your future husband will most likely have cavities and you can floss for the rest of your life and never have one again...

So Tanner, I must say good-bye to you, for you see you have a perfect mouth, cavity free and glowing white. ha jk, he doesn't even read this. ;)

I love the smell of sauteing onions.

Also, I have not cut my hair since I was a junior in high school. That's five years people. So...tomorrow I'm braving the scissors and I'm going to chop it. Kidding, I'm not chopping it but I am going to cut a good couple of inches off. Should I be scared? Maybe, but I'm more scared about my split ends. A couple weeks ago when I went in for my usual color and trim my lovely hair stylist and friend, (Polly-if you need someone go to her-for real) told me that I really need to get rid of the filth at the bottom of my hair. I thought that of course she was the only one who would notice because she just stares at my head whenever I see her. WRONG. Tanner even noticed. Well, I asked him and he gave me the honest reply. So tomorrow I will say ta-ta to my ugly split ends and hopefully have a fabulous new look.

I like the dentist, I like only having two fillings in my mouth, I like my new pink shirt, and I like Tanner.

HOME

foodnetwork.little brother+artichokes.apple pie.15ft+Christmas Tree.CT scan.wrapping presents.dog snuggles.Jo Stafford on repeat.heart felt talks.hot chocolate.dishwasher.smiles from Cami.thoughts of snow.piano music.crying.singing.psyche with g-man.blog stalking with Anne Shirley.dinner with parents.kneaders=5:30 am waking up. fireplace.welcoming dad home. wrestling.ornaments.cell phone retirement.snow...maybe?blankets.White Christmas.new recipes.laughing.snuggling.laundry.love.

I am so happy to be home.

sigh

I'm done.
Finals are over and oh my goodness does it feel good. I'm home, it's 1:36pm and I'm in my parents bed, watching Giada on food network and feel so very blessed. Eight finals later and I feel like I want to die. ha ha kidding, but really...Finals are hard.

I was walking around campus yesterday and I thought, I wonder if Cecil Samuelson (the president of BYU) prays for us this week. Strange? Maybe, but cool thought.

My Christmas break is going to be wonderful. Here's my list of things to do

Enjoy my family, first and foremost. I don't really think I'll see my friends besides the 872354 wedding receptions I will be attending.
Finish making family gifts
make Tanner's Christmas present. Oooh it's good, I'll show you a picture when it's finished :)
make hot pads
make a laundry bag
make more aprons
hem pants
cookbook-organize my recipes in a binder
work at kneaders making gift baskets
watch a lot of movies while I sew
watch food network a lot
make yummy food and ridiculous treats

This is mostly all to keep myself distracted while Tanner is home in New Hampshire... if you have any other projects I can work on please let me know.

Grandpa

sidenote: I am in college. I should not be doing busy work.

Okay so last week I had a wonderful opportunity to go down to St George and visit my boyfriend's extended family (He's from New Hampshire if you were wondering). Well I met his grandpa, Papa Andy as I will not refer to him as. What an interesting experience.
He is so awesome. He's funny, smart, caring and exactly what a grandpa should be. He taught me how to play the organ for an hour and talked with me about his career working for NASA. Ya, he's the guy that came up with the experiment to see if there was water on the moon. He's kinda a smartie pants. He taught me about geology and hiked up Angels landing with us. He baked us delicious cinnamon rolls (almost as good as yours moms but I still have my loyalties). He laughed with us and talked with us and made us go around in a circle and say what we were grateful for. But can I tell you a secret? I felt awkward.

I'll tell you why. I've never really had a grandpa. I didn't know how to act. I didn't know what my role was. I wanted so badly to call him my own grandpa, to have his love, care, and wisdom in my life. But I didn't have a familiar grandpa-granddaughter relationship to fall back on. I was lost.

My mom's father died when she was one in a plane accident. He was a pilot, he was handsome, an artist and undoubtedly an incredible man. I only wish I could have known him, but I wish my mom had known him more.

My dad's father was great. He lived in Utah while we lived in Arizona. We saw him only occasionally and I felt second best next to my cousins who grow up around him. Though I have one vivid memory of him brushing the thorns out of my feet in his backyard, I don't remember him from my childhood. I remember after moving to Utah his health declined, he became delusional and went mad. These are my memories of him. I watched him die peacefully surrounded by his family and I remember sitting there enveloped in joy and the thought that I would see him again. I had a feeling... "I don't really know this man". But I will know him as he was.

I didn't know my grandpa's. I hear stories of them and feel their love in my life and in their children who are my parents. I know they are a part of me, but I do not know them. I can not wait to know them. To hear their life stories. To share experiences with them and love them as the men they are. To know them personally and to learn from them and their examples. Thank you Papa Andy, for showing me how great grandpa's can be.

Just so you know...

I will be unavailable for the next week due to a crazy schedule. Christmas Around the World is this weekend at BYU in the Marriott Center-if you're in the area come! :)

So here's the run down of last week.
Tuesday night
Babysat dance teachers adorable four children with boyfriend. SO FUN
No storm...
Wednesday
Hair appointment
Shopping with my mother :)
Putting up posters to advertise for this weekend
Baking pies
Family Fun
Thursday
Ate too much turkey with family and boy
Played the bells
Friends house for more food
Wii
Friday
Up at 6-drive to St George with boyfriend, his sister and friend
Arrive at noon.
Drive to Zions at 12:02 pm
Hike Angels Landing
Almost die
Ice on the trail.
Awesome
Dinner, hot tub and laughs
Saturday
Another Thanksgiving dinner
Game
Learned how to play the Organ (thank you Papa Andy)
Another dinner, hot tub and laughs
Sunday
Church
Best drive home of my life
7 and a half hours later...
Dinner at my house with my family
Decorating our 15 foot Christmas Tree and then crashed at home

Wow. I am so grateful for such a great weekend. For spending time with people I love. For learning and for growing. For smiling and turkey and my body. To live