Really Grateful

You know, this summer has been really hard.
I've had a hard time sitting around with no car 95% of the time and feel very lazy.
I'm not going to go into all of that because it's boring and I have had enough pity parties to last me a while.

But I'm really grateful for a good husband who is the best therapist.
I'm grateful for my mom and sister who let me text/call/skype them almost every day.
I'm grateful for good friends who let me blab to them and cry to them on the phone.

I am grateful that I get to read a lot and expand my mind and also watch tv shows that are popular and I never knew about because I don't watch tv...except for this summer.

And I am grateful for the Olympics because now I can cheer and cry with the athletes. And they make me motivated. Like I did push-ups and squats and calf raises yesterday. This is a big deal.

I'm grateful that I've been sick with this little babe and even more grateful that at 20 weeks I'm starting to feel better.

I love the pool and I love homemade pizza and I love that I get to go to Alabama this weekend. I love that even though my husband is a self proclaimed health nut, he brings home resee's peanut butter puffs and cinnamon toast crunch for cereal.

I have a lot to be grateful for because life is great, even amidst this hard summer.

AND did I mention that Tanner won a company competition and a free trip to Cancun? Ya, that's something else to be grateful for.

Update for my avid followers

Whenever I see some of my favorite blogs void of updates I get sad. I like consistency. That being said, I don't think I am anyone's favorite blogger or a very amusing read. I would still like you tell you something.

I'm obsessed with Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next Series. Thank you Megan, thank you thank you thank you. I was working my way through the series and went to get the fourth book at the library. When I saw the other three just sitting there I thought, what the heck!  I should just bring them all home!  I did just that. I am really glad I love reading so much...so much that the other day I was sitting there reading while Tanner made dinner alone and I did nothing to offer to help. I am ashamed. The book (Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet) won. Thanks Jenn!  I'm trying not to bring my book to the dinner table as often and yes, I've made more dinners lately.

I will soon post some really really hot pictures of myself with a semi-pregnant belly. I am currently 19 weeks and 2 days along and I like being pregnant. I will be perfectly honest and say that those kicks I feel (or a head jab-seriously how does a fetus this big make an impression-it must be the head) are strange. I am trying not to think about it. So get ready to see pictures of me......and no I did not do anything cute with a chalkboard so don't expect to pin my pictures. 

Faith and Miracles

Tanner and I just started reading the New Testament and we love it. I love the conversations it spurs and the spirit I feel as we read.
I also love the Bible videos found on lds.org. Here is one of my favorites. Miracles are always directly related to faith.

Why I may be an irresponsible parent

I did some really fun things this past week. Maybe they were too fun.

On Tuesday the company Tanner works for paid for everyone to go to a huge water park. It was located in Santa Claus, Indiana. It was about three hours away so we left bright and early to get a good taste of Holiday World. Yes, Holiday World in Santa Claus. Victoria, he does exist. This was the very first theme park in the world and it was all about different Holiday's. A huge Christmas tree greeted us as we walked inside and Christmas music was blaring from the speakers. Since it was July and about 1000* outside, it did not feel very normal. It was very fun however. We spent most of the day in the water park and decided not to explore Fourth of July land or the Hallo-swings.

The Splashin' Safari park was awesome. I was extremely paranoid about going. The night before I had a mini break down because I didn't want to go. I would just be sitting there all day in the hot sun, holding my husband back and I wouldn't want to go on any of the rides. Then one of my favorite people out here texted me and told me that we had to ride together. After a lot of coaxing we decided to go. I was so worried about the whole being pregnant and going to a water park. Obviously-it can be super dangerous. There was however, the longest and biggest water coaster in the world "THE MAMMOTH" at this water park.

That was the first ride we decided to go on. It was a long long wait. I looked and looked for warning signs saying no pregnant women but there was nothing. Seriously...nothing. (Little did I know that Tanner and one of our friends who works with him saw the sign and decided to with hold that information). So after about an hour and a half of waiting in the sun (and drinking lots of water that was stationed throughout the lines), I passed out. My really strong husband caught me and escorted me out of the line and under a gate. Yes, he is strong. Apparently everyone kept asking what was wrong and he was like, she's pregnant (and crazy). He kept asking me where I wanted to go and the only thing I could think of was the bathroom. So after a bathroom trip and feeling sooo much better, I decided we had to go back to the ride. Thankfully everyone let us through because they had seen what happened, and we were able to go on the ride with our friends. IT WAS AWESOME. It was truly the best water slide/roller coaster I have ever ever been on. I just...look it up on youtube and try to experience the awesome-ness of this ride.

The next ride we hit up had a no pregnancy sign. So I waited and watched. It was fun...and then our friends convinced me that if I could go on the first ride, I could have gone on that one. Roller coasters are bad if you are pregnant because they have lap bars and jarring twists and turns. Yes, water slides have dips and turns but you are floating on water. I did a selfish thing. I went on the rest of the rides. I do think our baby enjoyed it however because he/she was flipping out the next day. That is good news.

So that was my selfish day where I went on water slides and ignored warning signs and my baby is still happy and consequently, so am I.

Another irresponsible thing I did last night involved one of my cravings. I have been thinking and craving sushi for about two weeks now. BUT I know that the world of the internet cautions against raw fish. I understand why. But I couldn't shake sushi out of my mind. So we went. We ordered nothing with raw fish and I still got my sushi fix. And it was an awesome awesome place. Tanner thinks it's funny because for hundreds of year women have been pregnant and eating whatever they want including raw fish-hello Japan- and hot dogs and every other bad thing you aren't supposed to consume. But perhaps we're living less healthy now and the risks are higher because our bodies are just not taken care of as well. Who knows.

I did already beat myself up about going on the water rides and eating sushi. I had a mini break down. I'm really awesome at those. They happen quite frequently. Tanner is really good at handling them. Except when he tells me to control myself-telling a pregnant woman to control herself makes her more hysterical. At least, it did in my case. I don't think he'll be using his favorite word any time soon. :/ And I'm probably going to be eating more sushi during the pregnancy. Actually not probably. I will be.

A rant-women in the media

Something has been on my mind lately and I just thought I would briefly share. 

I really like empowered woman. I like the whole independence and electricity that comes when a women finds who she is without a man. I like careers. I like working moms. I like people who work. 

That aside, I feel like we've been bombarded with movies and literature lately that shows things similar to the woman described in the above paragraph. 

Katniss-she's strong, finds food for herself, volunteers as tribute, fights mean guys and is the rock of the revolution.

Brave-(uh, sorry I don't remember her name). She has fiery red hair, (Which is amazing!!!!) finds her own voice and adventure, and doesn't need a man to complete her. Awesome-what a great new disney princess. I didn't LOVE  the movie but we can save that for another day.

Thursday Next-I recently read The Eyre Affair (thanks Megan!) and really loved it.  Thursday is the best. Served in the army, gives everything to her career and fights the bad guys. She's the ultimate heroine. I loved her. 

See the common thread? Now I'm not saying that the lack of a man is what we're missing....but maybe I am. Yes, Katniss ends up married with a family (spoiler) and Thursday does as well but it showcases that all these woman are great and happy being the provider. I liked the books and I liked the movies. But then I thought about all the books and movies that have been made recently about woman who raise children and a family. They cook and clean and they're happy. Wait, have you not seen/read those either?

HUH. Hollywood doesn't make movies about that? Women never leave their families wishing and hoping for something better? They hire nannies and go shopping? They never sit around and talk about how great and complete they feel when raising a family? 

I read a book that did. Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielsen (son?). She gushes about her family and her husband and how happy she is. And I couldn't help but feel more complete after reading it. It touched my soul. So maybe I am a sap. I'm someone who believes that you really can't be complete without a husband and a family. I believe that woman are nurturing by nature.

I'm done rambling now. Post your opposing views or validating comments below. 

I am not an animal person. I am a people person.

So on Friday I was asked by two lovely people to watch their new dog...for the rest of the summer. They work full time with Tanner and needed me to look after their new found love. I agreed, and as I did so a little thought popped into my mind...you should think about it. But, Tanner was so excited (he wouldn't even be here with the dog?) and I wanted to do them a favor so I said yes.
I was really looking forward to having a new companion, because I'm at home alone all day with my books (thank you for the recommendations!) and computer. I'm not ashamed to say I've been watching Say yes to the dress on netflix. Ahem.

So the dog comes yesterday. So little and cute. It is 3/4 Pitt bull (!!!!!) and 1/4 Lab. At this stage in it's precious life, it looked like a black lab with little wrinkles. It was cute. I will add however, that a pitt is not my favorite breed of dog. No collar, no leash, no cage. Just a dog bed and some food. I was scared.

I did not grow up with a dog. We always wanted one but it just never worked out with our family. My whole life I would go to friends house and be secretly terrified of dogs. I didn't know how to pet them, or play with them and when they jumped up on me I screamed a little inside. Fast forward to my first year of college. My family gets a dog. So the past few summers I have had a dog and we actually get along and he sits on my lap and we play. He understands that I like him if he's my quiet friend.

Okay back to yesterday. The dog is asleep in his bed. I look at the time and plan out his feedings, when I'll take him out, etc. The dog wakes up. BOOM first accident (luckily it was on the tile floor). The dog starts crying, whining, howling. And I'm trying to console this little puppy and hold him and he just won't have it. He keeps wandering around and hitting his poor little head on the chairs, the walls, anything. I'm like, can this dog see? How old is he? I do some research. I freak out because suddenly I remember that I heard the number six. Six days or six weeks? Of course, I assume it's six days old, because it's stumbling around and can't see. I find out that puppies shouldn't be taken from their mother until they're 8 weeks old. AHHHHH and I need to feed it formula? Where's the formula? And how in the world do I get it to go outside.

I'm really quite beside myself at this point. I'm texting my husband and he finally finds out that this dog is six weeks old. Whew. This is better. The rest of the day was difficult. He went outside to do his business but every time I took him out there he flipped out. Backing away from everything, crying, whining, howling and he's just beside himself. So I took him inside and bam! he employs the carpet as the landing bed of his waste. Then he would wander around as I tried to hold him and help him and he's freaking out at me and backing up and pouncing on me and I just couldn't do it. Like I said before, I do not have these loving animal care giver instincts/this is not my dog. He sleeps then we repeat the above paragraph. He ate a lot. And had accidents a lot.

Some of you may be thinking-he's just a puppy and this is normal behavior. This may be completely true but I was not in a place to handle this. I feel awful and cried on multiple occasions because I felt so bad-can you say pregnant? And perhaps you may be thinking-if you can't handle this then there is no way you can handle a baby. Might I disagree? I am a human and my child will be human. And I can handle those things because I want those things and I want a human baby.

Is this so long and boring? Mostly it was just an interesting day where I learned a lot about myself.
1. I shouldn't try and train a puppy when I'm pregnant. I had no patience or understanding.
2. We will get a dog when I am older, and when Tanner and I plan for, and prepare for a dog.
3. Puppies shouldn't leave their mommies before they're 8 weeks old. Attachment issues. Did Erik Erikson ever study the development of dogs? He should have.
4. I am not an animal person. I am a people person.

Ella Minnow Pea-a book you should read.

I just finished a wonderful book.
Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn

It was SUCH a hilarious and intriguing read.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a love of the English language, quirky characters and books like 1984.
It's an epistolary novel about a fictional island off the coast of North Carolina.  Letters from a beloved statue begin to fall and the citizens are left to write and speak with the remaining letters. I found myself laughing near the end of the book because the brilliance of the language was just astounding.

I am so happy I found the library. Any other good book suggestions?